How to pretend the Star Wars prequels never happened...with heroin!

Trainspotting is a film set in Scotland. Hey, where're you going? Don't leave! I'm going to talk about Star Wars in a minute, okay? It stars Ewan Mcgregor as Renton, a heroin addict who suffers hallucinations due to extended drug abuse who consistently breaks the fourth wall. Seriously, he does this so often it's like he's trying to win the Ferris Bueller award.


"Hey, I just met you and I'm obviously crazy. Here's a knife. Heroin maybe?"
The movie ends with Renton stealing a large bag of cash from his fellow junkies and walking off into the sunset.  Now, if a long term junkie has a bag full of money how many drugs do you think he’ll do? I'll make this multiple choice to make things easier for you. A: none of the drugs?. B) some of the drugs? Or c) all of the drugs?


“If only there were some way to inject this cash into my veins...”

“...hey, wait a minute!”

Since we're shown no title card to indicate Renton has kicked his drug habit forever we can assume Renton takes his big bag of money and trades it for a big bag of drugs then sits in some dingy hotel room, trips massive fucking balls and probably suffers a critical overdose. So, assuming that Renton has now slipped into a permanent drug induced coma and is dying, we have to imagine what type of scenario he will imagine. As we see with this line he earlier expressed an open hatred of his Scottish identity.

TOMMY 
    Doesn't it make you proud to be Scottish?
 RENTON
I hate being Scottish. We're the lowest of the fucking low, the
    scum of the earth, the most wretched, servile, miserable, pathetic
    trash that was ever shat into civilization. Some people hate the
    English, but I don't. They're just wankers. We, on the other hand,
    are colonized by wankers. We can't even pick a decent culture to
    be colonized by. We are ruled by effete arseholes. It's a shite
    state of affairs and all the fresh air in the world will not make
    any fucking difference.
So, in his fantasy he's no longer Scottish. Maybe he becomes English. And maybe he becomes slightly effete. And considering the below quote he has some decent film knowledge to boot.

SICK BOY
    You Only Live Twice?

 RENTON
Nineteen-sixty-seven.

SICK BOY
    Running time?

RENTON
    One hundred and sixteen minutes.

Okay, so now he's English, and he's effete, he knows his films, and he exists in the nineties when the Star Wars films were still reverential.  Holy shit. Did he just become Alec Guiness?
"This is not the skag you are looking for"

In one of the first scenes of The Phantom Menace Obi Wan dives to the bottom of a large lake which is eerily simialar to the halucination he had in Trainspotting where he dived head first into a toilet bowl to retrieve a suppository.









So, now that he's a Jedi, he fills his world full of familiar characters


The toad faced comic relief


The best friend and mentor

Even the psychotic, blade wielding Begbie turns up in Macgregor's pee stained fever dream as a psychotic blade wielding sith


This is what Glaswegians look like on Saturday night

His feelings of guilt over the death of a toddler resurface in the character of Anakin Skywalker. Because both Anakin and the Dark Sides are just manifestations of the corrupting effects of the heroin that are ravaging Renton's body in the real world and slowly killing him. That's why we see Anakin slowly turning to the Dark Side over the course of three movies, and Obi Wan's futile attemps to stop this.



“You were supposed to be the chosen one!”

Ok, admittedly, this theory is a bit of a stretch. But what's easier to believe: that a junkie with a pre-existing mental condition exacerbated by years of drug abuse took lots of drugs and imagined he was Obi Wan Kenobi in his final moments on earth...or that a CGI monster stepped in some dookie?


"Choose life. Choose the force. Choose a Millenium Falcon that can make the Kessel run in under fifteen parsecs"

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